Once upon a time in the quirky town of Gaffapur, there was a competition to crown the “Most Egregious Citizen of the Year.” The title wasn’t a badge of honor but a dubious distinction awarded to the resident whose actions were so outstandingly bad, they left everyone in shock and awe.
This year, the frontrunner was Dr. Harish Harman, the town’s only surgeon. Dr. Harman had a reputation for making mistakes, but his latest blunder was, well, egregious. One Tuesday, he performed a gallbladder surgery on Mrs. Meera Mishra. Everything seemed routine until Mrs. Mishra woke up with a brand-new nose. Dr. Harman had mixed up his patients and performed a rhinoplasty meant for Miss Riya Rao. Meera’s gallbladder still rumbled in discomfort, and Riya, though still gallbladder-free, sported a gallant new profile.
Then there was Bhaskar Blabberjee, the town’s journalist, who prided himself on never missing a scoop. Bhaskar’s career peaked when he published a front-page story claiming Gaffapur’s mayor was an alien. His evidence? A blurry photo of the mayor’s Diwali costume from the year he dressed as an astronaut. The town was in an uproar, the mayor was fuming, and Bhaskar had to retract his story with a sheepish, “Oops!”
Next in line was Councilman Gopal Greedy, who didn’t believe in subtlety. Gopal’s latest escapade involved accepting a bribe in the middle of a council meeting. When asked why he had a suitcase full of cash, Gopal explained, “I thought it was my lunch.” His attempt to eat a rupee note didn’t help his case, and the meeting ended with Gopal’s swift exit, the money still stuck in his teeth.
Not to be outdone, Ms. Hemlata Harsh, the schoolteacher, made her bid for the title by humiliating poor Timmy Tandon in front of the entire class. When Timmy couldn’t solve a math problem, Hemlata announced, “This is why you’ll end up living in a hut by the river!” Timmy burst into tears, and Hemlata received a strongly worded letter from the principal, reminding her that emotional scarring wasn’t in the curriculum.
Meanwhile, Gaffapur’s biggest business, Toxin Tech Ltd., decided to “get rid of” some waste by dumping it into the Jaljal River. The river, once known for its crystal-clear waters, turned neon green overnight. Fish grew legs, ducks started rapping, and the town’s annual swim meet was canceled due to “unforeseen radioactive conditions.”
Lastly, there was Jai Juicer, the local football star. Jai had always been a powerhouse on the field, but his performance reached suspiciously superhuman levels when he began lifting goalposts with one hand. It didn’t take long for the truth to come out: Jai was using performance-enhancing spinach. The town was outraged, not just because of the cheating, but because Jai kept insisting it was “Popeye’s secret.”
At the end of the year, the townspeople gathered for the grand announcement. The mayor, having forgiven Bhaskar’s alien article, stood up to declare the winner. “This year’s Most Egregious Citizen Award goes to…” The crowd held its breath. “…Dr. Harish Harman!”
Dr. Harman accepted the award with a modest bow. “Thank you, thank you. I couldn’t have done it without my patients’ patience,” he quipped, holding up his trophy—a golden band-aid. The townspeople cheered, because in Gaffapur, where egregious acts were the norm, even the worst mistakes had a way of bringing everyone together.
And so, Gaffapur continued its tradition of celebrating the outrageous, reminding everyone that sometimes, the worst of us can still bring out the best in a community—if only for the laughs.
Guchi.
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